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"I can't wait until I can move out of this house!"
MOVING IN. Living with your College Roommate.
Renee E. Henderson | 3.28.2017
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Admit it, you've said a variation of that to your parent/guardian before. If you haven't said it, the thought crossed your mind. Even in the happiest of households, people often find themselves wanting the freedom that only a place of their own can provide. You've been looking forward to moving into your college dorm ever since you knew what it was, so you might be surprised that you're feeling anxious about moving out on your own. There are so many unknowns! Will you like your roommate? Will they like you? How much of your stuff should you bring? Will your new place ever feel like "home" to you? Don't worry, your concerns are totally normal! Here are a few tips to make sure you create a stress free environment with your new roommate.
1. Don't move in expecting to be best friends.
Your roommate might become the best friend you've ever had, but having that expectation creates an impossible standard for them to live up to. Be friendly, try to get to know your roommate, but make sure to make your own friends.
2. Discuss your expectations on the first day.
This might seem formal, but it can help eliminate problems before they happen. Everyone has little pet peeves that drive them crazy. Some examples:
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I am a neat freak. It's okay if you aren't, as long as my area stays clean, I'm good to go!
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I HATE it when someone snoozes their alarm 20 times in the morning, especially when I don't have to get up.
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We can share any food items in this drawer, but other than that, we should get our own stuff.
Your roommate will also have expectations, and it's important that you both respect each other's wishes. Mutual respect is the key to a great roommate relationship!
3. Be open to change and new things.
It's possible that your roommate might be very different from you. They might be a different race than you, practice a religion you have never heard of, or they might be from a completely foreign country. Look at this as an opportunity! College is a time where you should be not only open, but LOOKING for new experiences. You will be surrounded by people that will change your worldview and help you grow into a well-educated adult. Taking this into account, you should recognize that during your freshman year, you will change - and so will your roommate! Make sure you both work together to create an environment in which you both feel comfortable addressing issues and changing rules as it is required.
4. Don't let things boil over.
If your roommate is doing something that gets on your nerves, tell them about it before it causes you to blow up about something silly. They probably don't even know they are bothering you! Is your roommate always leaving a little toothpaste on the sink? Admittedly, that could be kind of gross, but they may not even notice! Share it with them while it's small, so you don't end up hurting your relationship with something that is not a big deal.
5. Directly confront big problems too.
Maybe you did bottle something up. Or maybe your roommate made some wild friends and is suddenly keeping you up all night. No matter what the issue, deal with it quickly before it starts to affect your mental health or school work.
6. Discuss visitors to your room.
Would you invite a friend over to your parents house before asking your mom if it was okay? In most households, the answer is probably not. It is very important to remember that your dorm room is shared space with another person. You might like having a group of friends over on Tuesday nights to watch The Bachelor, but your roommate might not. Before you have friends over to your room, check with your roommate to see what they have going on. If they have a huge test the next day and want quiet space in the room, RESPECT THAT! There are a ton of communal spaces you can use to watch TV or have a group study session.
7. Use the golden rule.
Even if you follow all of these rules, you might still have a strained relationship with your roommate. Living in a small space with someone is hard! It's important to always use the golden rule - treat them as you'd like to be treated. It's easy to be petty or mean when someone is making you mad. However, learning to treat others with respect regardless of your relationship is a skill that will help you as an adult and in the workforce. You and your roommate may decide to go your separate ways, but you will never regret treating them kindly.
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Remember, if you are ever worried you won't be able to work it out, reach out to your residence hall adviser to discuss your options.